Propositions

I've been thinking a lot about propositions. It reminds me of when I was propositioned in Palm Springs.

It was a few years ago, at a bar in a Mexican restaurant. I was attending a conference and, one evening, went to this bar with a few colleagues. We were standing around, telling jokes and drinking too much when my friend nudged me and whispered that this very attractive, sweet looking and young woman (late 20's?) kept staring at me.

I looked in her direction. She was standing with a group of young men and women, it looked like an after-work gathering. They were laughing, talking in an animated fashion, and every so often one or more of them would look in my direction and squeal with laughter. I tried to remain cool, take it in stride, but found myself glancing over now and then. At one point she looked up and our eyes met. She smiled and a wave of panic overcame me.

It was entirely innocent but I felt as if I had done something wrong. Looking away, I fumbled with my margarita, looked down at my shoes and then turned in the other direction. In just a few moments, my face returned to its natural color. My friend nudged me again saying, "Hey, she's coming over."

Sure enough, she was walking around the bar looking at me, her big brown eyes gazing straight into mine. I froze. She spoke in such a soft voice that it was hard to make out her words. I said, "I'm sorry, I can't make out what you are saying." I leaned over and turned my ear towards her mouth to hear better. Her breath held the sweet smell of Grand Marnier.

She said, "Hi, I'm Angie. My friend thinks that you're really cute."

I didn't know how to react to that. I felt disappointed. In my mind a very cute girl had shown some interest in me. I was feeling the rush associated with turning her away (those of you who read the "Guy Manual" understand that it's a rush for a guy to be cool enough to turn away a good looking woman). However, it now appeared that this cute girl was not my admirer. Obviously, there must be some less attractive girl in the group who had shown interest and that her cute friend was intending to be the decoy to lure me - the cute guy - into meeting her friend - the undoubtedly "uncute" girl. Of course, there's no thrill in turning down an uncute girl (see the "Guy Manual"). On the contrary, it's embarrassing to have an uncute girl think that you're cute.

As I mulled this over she said, "Yeah, he thinks you're really cute. He's the tall guy over there in the blue shirt."

I was dumbfounded and completely disoriented. I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, "Well, thank him for me."

She persisted, "Are you gay? My friend likes older guys."

Now it was getting uncomfortable. I don't really mind that a man finds me attractive, but being referred to as an "older guy" was downright insulting.

"He wants to buy you a drink."

I felt a bit dizzy. I was just completely knocked off balance. For the past few moments, I had been quietly congratulating myself for still having "it." I didn't intend to do anything about it, I was just happy that a woman might notice my "it." I had already, in my mind, started to draft my kind yet firm message that I wasn't available to this perky young thing because I was a happily married man, the father of two wonderful children. It just never occurred to me that she was simply delivering a proposition on behalf of her male friend.

Some may think that this may not have amounted to much of a proposition. You may say that he only wanted to buy me a drink. You may suggest that I am assuming a lot. But you don't know anything about gay men. I know that if I had accepted a drink, he would have expected something else. You have to be careful of that, a guy buys you a drink and then he expects to get his money's worth. I hear it's worse if they buy you dinner. Oh, it was definitely a proposition. I was born at night, but it wasn't last night.

I know that gay men want me. I can tell by the way they look at me. Years ago, I used to go to piano bars with my wife (she's a singer and I went to watch her sing). I could feel a room full of eyes on me whenever I went. Those men wanted me. Just last year, a business associate took me and my wife to a wine-tasting event at a downtown restaurant. We sat at a table with several gay men and when we left that evening, one of those guys shook my hand and winked at me. That was no casual wink. That was a "come hither" wink. He had his eye on me all night. Yes, they want me.

Sure as the nose on my face, this guy in Palm Springs wasn't just saying "have a drink," it was "let's have a drink and then...." It was a proposition and I score it as such, a real proposition. This proposition just wasn't my cup of tea. I feel truthful when I say that this proposition would not have worked for me even if it came from an attractive young woman. But though I would not have accepted, I was disappointed that this proposition did not turn out to be what it could have been.

And that's my point about propositions - you get excited about some, disappointed by others, some you want, some you don't want. And some just don't turn out to be what you thought they could have been.